It seems that people have been taking this blog entirely too seriously and using it for medical advice. We have had reports of various monkey business occurring in response to many of our posts. This has included but isn't limited to people inserting pencils in their brains

(yes this was our fault and is part of the reason I am in the witness protection program), as well as people inserting bottles in their rectums.

So just to be clear... if you read Omni Brain please stop sticking things up, in, or through your various orifices.

Also it seems that psychiatric patients have been using this blog for the purpose of therapy. When we mention something like "confront the things that caused you pain in your childhood." it does not mean that you should stick anything up your rectum or into your nose. This will not help you get over the time when you pooped your pants on a field trip or sneezed all over the persons face you had a crush on. I promise you that...

Actually the only therapy Omni Brain endorses is this:

By the way... this disclaimer applies to Shelley over at Retrospectacle as well... Look at what she made some poor guy do!

So onto the actual disclaimer...

The authors are not physicians, psychologists, therapists, sociologists or even remotely funny. The content on this website does not, and is not intended to constitute medical or life advice. It should not be relied upon when making medical (or any) decisions. It is not intended as a substitute for advice from your physician, healthcare provider, any anti-psychiatry crank, PETA member, religious figure, AIDS denialist, Holcaust Denier, Scientologist or really any crank at all.

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As of 5pm yesterday evening I have entered the federal witness protection program. I will be transferred from the Champaign-Urbana area to an undisclosed location somewhere in the 50 contiguous states. The federal government will be setting me up with a new job and a completely new identity. For me to successfully accomplish this change in identity I need a huge favor from one lucky blog reader.

I need to have your face.

Yes you've heard me correctly. I need to get a face transplant and one of you lucky readers could be the one!

Ok.. so let me put your worries to rest about my health. According to ScienceBlog

The first recorded facial transplant was performed in France in 2005 on a 38-year-old woman whose nose, lips and chin had been bitten off by a dog. Tissues, muscles, arteries and veins were taken from a brain-dead donor and successfully transplanted to the patient's lower face.

In addition to this positive proof of concept Doctors in Cincinnati and Louisville have reported that immunosuppressive risks are lower than previously thought!

A quote from Woodle the amazing research should further allay your fears for my well being,

"In estimating the risks of immunosuppression for face transplant recipients, the biggest problem is comparing apples to oranges," Woodle says. "What we have tried to do is to address the apples and oranges problem by a comprehensive and up-to-date consideration of the issue."

Yes you heard Woodle correctly, Apples and Oranges are the key to the success of the first Omni Brain face transplant!

So how can you volunteer for such a great honor and opportunity you might ask?

All that you have to do is post a picture of yourself in the forums so I can pick out the sexiest reader (male or female! I'm not against getting a full sex change). Donations to paypal would also be greatly appreciated since I'm sure this surgery is going to be very very costly.

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